his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
