ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
