You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
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