Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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