Your dad touched me again.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
