I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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