Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
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