its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
