mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
