I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
you had me at cake vodka
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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