I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
