my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I need to align my fucking chakras
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
