Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
