turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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