Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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