anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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