If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
