Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
