ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
