I'm really into asian looking animals
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
