He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
