The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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