is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
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Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
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Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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