3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
that's an acceptable place to lick
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
