did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
