I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
