this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
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She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
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I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
So vagazzling was a success
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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