Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
