Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
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Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
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No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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