White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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