you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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