i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
