there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
