The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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