And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
