Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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