So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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