Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
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you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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