I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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