I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
