So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
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Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
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We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize