I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
