Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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