Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
