My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
