I didn't shave. On purpose
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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