Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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