can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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