She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
