Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
