When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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