i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
