genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
