i may or may not be watching the land before time
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
