Are we in a gay sports bar?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
