I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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