no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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