your room smells of hookers.
And success
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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