at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
There's always time for handjobs
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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