You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Sorry my hands just texted you
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize