I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
