Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It's shark week go big or go home
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
