You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
