I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize